Things Aren't Always As They Seem

When we view others' lives from the outside, we often see perfection. We may even envy the people we see and think they have things better than us. But life is always more than meets the eye, and when we take a closer look, we may be surprised by what we find.

A good example of this is our neighbor. He is a friendly man with a wife and 2 beautiful children. He is a hard worker who takes good care of his home and yard. He works as a teacher and his wife owns her own business. He and his family seem to have an ideal life. I've always thought how lucky he is to have a such a wonderful family -- especially since having children hasn't been so easy for us. What I didn't know was how he got to where he is and the role he could potentially play in our own family.

My husband and I talked at great lengths with him yesterday for the first time and learned some very unexpected things. It started when he asked us if we were planning to have children. I told him we have been trying to adopt and that I have a condition that causes me to miscarry.

He told us that he had always thought of adopting. He then went on to share his story. It turns out he had cancer in his early 20s. His illness and the treatment left him unable to have biological children. He said this was very difficult for him and that he knows how we feel. He also told us that his girls are actually his wife's biological children from a previous marriage. He has raised them since they were little and thinks the world of them. He feels lucky to have such a wonderful family.

I totally did not expect any of this. From seeing them together, I had concluded that they were a "typical" family. I had no idea of the pain and suffering this man had endured to get to where he is today. I felt guilty for feeling sorry for myself when he had clearly suffered so much more than I ever had. I also had no idea of what he would say next.

Before becoming a teacher, our neighbor worked at a group foster home for children. He worked with many other social workers and knows a lot of people connected to adoption. I gave him a couple of our adoption cards and he seemed convinced that after calling his contacts, we would be getting phone calls about potential adoption situations. I told him how we had given out hundreds of these cards over the past 1 1/2 years. His response: "Well, you just may have given out the right two today."

Who knows what will happen. This may be how we form our family or it may not be. The important thing is that we made a new connection with someone who understands. And we learned that appearances are not just deceiving, they are a mear shadow of the picture hidden within.