Friday, December 02, 2005

How I Got Here

Six years ago today I was supposed to give birth to our first child. As many of you know, losing the baby was one of the most painful times in my life. But like most struggles, it taught me a few things and shaped me into the person I am today.

Because of my losses, I have become stronger and more resilient. I have learned to let go more and to better accept the lack of control I have over my life. And I have become more patient -- a trait that is very important when dealing with the length and unpredictibility of the adoption process.

Of course, if I could go back in time and change the outcome of my pregnancies, I definitely would. One thing I would not change is having the opportunity to experience pregnancy. I may not have children yet, but I know what it feels like to be pregnant. I've felt the joy of seeing a plus sign on my home pregnancy test. I've felt the rush of hormones, the hot flashes, the food cravings and the nausea. When others talk about how they felt when they were pregnant, I can actually relate. And for that I am thankful.

I may not have a labor story to share, but my journey to parenthood is just as rich and eventful as a woman who gave birth. My past has brought me to where I am today and will one day bring me to the child we were meant to have.

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