Sunday, August 28, 2005

The Night I Kissed My Child Good-Bye

After reading my poems and thinking about the past, I remembered something that happened to me after my first miscarriage.

I was going through a really hard time back then. I was having anxiety, panic attacks and depression for several months following my loss. I was a complete wreck and was unable to let go of what had happened. I was so completely and totally devastated that I didn't know if I would ever recover.

Then one night I fell asleep and an amazing thing happened. In my dreams, God brought my precious baby to me. He said I could only have one day with her, but he wanted me to have a chance to love and care for her before I said good-bye.

So that night I held her, fed her, changed her and rocked her. I kissed her tiny, soft cheek and told her how much I loved her. I did all of the things a new mom would do. It all felt so very real, and I was so happy to finally meet my child. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.

After I had some time with her, God returned and told me it was time to say good-bye. I reluctantly did, and he disappeared with my child. I cried again, but woke up feeling like I had actually spent time with my daughter.

And who knows, maybe I did.

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