Monday, December 12, 2005

Now the Waiting Really Begins

The adoption process is always about waiting and wondering. Now that our wait to be matched with a potential birth mom is finally over, the real -- and most difficult -- wait has begun. We are now waiting for the baby to be born and wondering if the expectant couple will follow through with their adoption plans.

Just the other day I read a statistic that 50 percent of birth parents who make an adoption plan change their minds. I don't know what research that figure is based on or how accurate it is, but it scared me anyway. Having the birth parents change their minds is one of my biggest fears. It is even more alarming to think that our chances of bringing home a baby next month are the equivalent of a coin toss! And even if we do bring the baby home, we will still need to wait until the birth parents go to court (possibly a month later) before we will know that the child is staying. We know things could go either way, but are hoping the odds are more in our favor than not.

So far they seem to be. The potential birth parents are young, unmarried and going to school. They've already considered parenting and feel that they aren't ready. They've thought about adoption and discussed it a great lengths. And, the expectant mom's parents are very supportive. But there is just never any way to know how things will turn out in the end. Having the baby and holding her could change everything. We just have to wait and see.

For me, this wait will be harder than the wait to be matched because there is nothing I can really do in the meantime. I no longer need to network to find a potential birth mom. I don't need to search for children on the Internet. I can't have a baby shower or even run out and buy cute baby girl clothes. I can't e-mail or call the potential birth mom to see how she is doing or how she is feeling, since she's opted for no direct contact. I can't even let myself feel the excitement soon-to-be parents feel, for fear I will be disappointed if things don't work out. So, I am forced to wait -- possibly 42 days if the baby is born on her due date. Although that is just around the corner, it seems like an eternity.

For the next six weeks of my life, I will be waiting. I will wait to hear how the expectant mom's pregnancy is progressing. I will wait for the call that she is in labor. I will wait for the precious baby girl to be born. And then I will wait to see if we will be her parents. Hopefully, it will all be worth waiting for in the end.


Pitypat said...

I'm so excited for you. Are you doing and open adoption? Semi-open? I'm most afraid of all of that.....

Trista said...

I have good feelings about this for you! It's good to be reserved, but allow yourself moments to BELIEVE.

I am also wondering how open it looks like this adoption would be. I can tell you, the openness in our adoptions has been fluid, but always birthparent-lead. If you are comfortable posting on this issue, it would be interesting to read about what level of openness is comfortable to you and Paul?

We're excited to see what the next 6 weeks bring!