Unanswered Questions

There's no doubt adoption raises many unanswered questions. It's a very uncertain process with no definite time frames, no guarantees and no explanations for how or why things work the way they do. Throughout our adoption journey, I've asked myself many questions. I've tried to understand. And I've worked hard to be patient and to have faith. Although no one knows for sure why events happen the way they do, it is reassuring and helpful to consider the possible answers to our unanswered questions.

Here are a few questions that seem to come up throughout the adoption process, along with some responses we've encountered through research and from others.

Q) Why is it taking so long for us to become parents?
A) Finding a healthy Caucasian baby is difficult, since there are so many waiting couples and so few of these babies available. According to family.org, there are approximately 40 qualified couples waiting for every baby available. The Michigan Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) supports this statement when it says: "In Michigan, the "waiting for an infant" list currently runs between three and five years if you're interested in adopting a perfectly healthy Caucasian child under the age of one. And Michigan is not unique; most other states also have a years-long waiting list for infants, too. It is estimated that each year there are 25,000 infants available for adoption -- and one million families waiting for those infants."


A) Single parents are very much accepted today, so there are a lot more single woman choosing to raise their child. Adoptionhistory.org says: "While 60-70% of unmarried women had their child adopted years ago, today one-third have abortions and a staggering 96% of the rest choose to become single parents."

A) The child who is meant to be with us hasn't found us yet.

A) The time is not right yet. God has a plan for us and we need to wait for his timing.

Q) Why do many of the potential birth moms who contact us initially never call or e-mail again?
A) They changed their mind about adoption. This is highly likely since many single woman ultimately choose abortion or parenting over adoption.

A) They are having a difficult time with their decision and need to think things through. This is also a highly likely scenario. So much emotion and thought goes into deciding to place a baby for adoption. I once read that potential birth moms -- even once they decide on adoption -- re-evaluate their decision repeatedly throughout their pregnancy.

A) They decided we weren't the right family for their baby.

A) They miscarried.

Q) Why us? Why do so many people have an easy time having children, but we are faced with such difficulties?
A) No one knows the answer to this question. But one day when I was asking why, I heard these lyrics from a Green Day song. They seemed to speak to me.

"So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life."

Here's to hoping that in the end, it is right! :)