Saturday, March 03, 2007

The Birth Parent Connection

It's amazing how you can feel so much for someone you know so little about.

Since the day our daughter was born, I have often thought about her birth parents. Although we only met them briefly at the hospital and do not currently have any direct contact with them, we share a very important and powerful connection -- our daughter. I am so thankful to them for entrusting us with a very precious and special little girl who is the light of our lives. So it only makes sense that I care about their well-being. But my feelings for them go much deeper than just gratitude.

I often think about how they are feeling. I wonder if they have any regrets. I imagine what it must have been like to let go of their child, although I cannot even fathom the depth of their loss and pain. I always hope that they are doing o.k. and that they feel secure knowing that their baby is with a family who loves her very much and will always take excellent care of her.

Recently, I started thinking about our daughter's birth parent's relationship. Right before our daughter was born, her birth parents were hoping to get married in a couple of years and planned to have children one day when they were financially secure and emotionally ready. I wondered how placing a child for adoption would affect their relationship. I mean, relationships are hard enough without the added strain of pain and loss. They are both so young and haven't even been out on their own yet. How could their love and relationship endure so much? How would they deal with their grief? The more I thought about it, the more I started to fear that maybe they had broken up.

Come to find out, they had. Our daughter's birth parents are doing fine, but are no longer together. After hearing this, I cried. I felt sad for them. I hardly know them, but I know they have both been through so much. Of course, I wondered if their adoption choice played a role in their decision to end their relationship. But then I realized that even if it did, there was likely much more to the story that I am unaware of. Getting a tiny glimspe at a couple and the life they share in no way tells me what their relationship was like. There could have been issues between them before our daughter was even born. And maybe their decision to choose adoption was based in part on their uncertainty about their future together.

Whatever the reasons for their choices, I feel that our daughter was meant to be a part of our lives. It is as if she was chosen to be our child long before her birth parents even knew what they were going to do.

I guess some connections are just too powerful to question.

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