A Quiet Day

I spent the day yesterday caught up in the excitement, stress and drama of the potential situation with birth mom J from Texas. After the early morning wake up call, J called our agency 4 times! She spoke with the agency director and even finally contacted an attorney. The situation seemed promising once again, and I continued preparing for a possible trip to Texas. But unfortunately there were still some problems.

The attorney J called, who is someone her dad knows, did not have any experience with interstate adoptions and had no idea how they worked. He also wouldn't even meet with J unless we paid him first. Since we would also need an attorney in Texas to complete the adoption, he gave our agency a couple of numbers for us to call.

I called one attorney and spoke to his legal assistant. I then shared what I had found out with our agency director. She expressed great concern with how the adoption would be handled. She was bothered by the fact that the birth mom would receive absolutely no emotional support or contact from the attorney and would be treated like a paperwork case. I agreed that I didn't like the way they operated. So, the director came up with a better idea. She decided that if she contacted the social worker at the hospital J was planning to deliver at, she could possibly get some recommendations of good reputable adoption attorneys and agencies J could work with. She called J right away to find out which hospital, but got her voice mail. She left J a message to call either her or our social worker. That was early yesterday afternoon.

I also called J yesterday afternoon to see how she was doing, but got her voice mail and left a message as well. Today I sent J an e-mail saying we were worried about her and to please contact us. We've still heard nothing more from her.

I've tried to figure out what could be up with her. Is she having medical problems or in labor? Is she unsure of her adoption plan or has she changed her mind? Is she emotionally unstable? Is she really legit? Quite frankly, I'm puzzled by the whole thing.

What I do know is that in the past week, she has gone from seeming very interested in us and ready to make an adoption plan right away to not returning phone calls and e-mails 3 times! Our agency has advised us not to move forward until we can establish that she's actually pregnant, is sincere about adoption, and isn't working with multiple families. Unfortunately, since J has never met with an adoption professional, we have been unable to establish any of those things.

Another thing that bothers me: This morning as I was thinking about my conversations with J, I realized that in most of them her primary focus has been her medical expenses and poor financial state, not the welfare of her child. It seems odd to me that her priority seems to be money and not her baby.

So, at this point we just don't know what to think. And as I sit here in our quiet house, I am more and more convinced that an adoption with J just isn't going to happen.