Yesterday I was feeling depressed for no good reason. I am simply exhausted all the time and rarely am able to rest or relax. Part of it is because I am a busy mom. The other part is because I am a worrier, an overprotective parent and a perfectionist. So, after a fun but draining weekend up north, I found myself in a pretty down mood. My mom pointed out that no one is sick or dying, so I have no reason to be depressed. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but she was right.
Last night, my daughter woke up crying only 45 minutes after I put her to bed. After snuggling and rocking her for a few minutes, she was back to sleep. About 1 hour after that, she woke up crying again. This pattern continued throughout the entire night. My daughter woke up crying about every hour, a total of 9 times between bedtime and morning. Her longest stretch of sleep was 1 1/2 hours at around 4 a.m. At first I thought maybe she was teething again. But after about 4 rounds of calming her down, I realized she must be sick. Sure enough, during the night, she became congested, started coughing and developed a running nose.
Each time I would return to her room to comfort her, I didn't feel depressed or frustrated. Instead all I could think of was how I wanted so much to make her feel better. As I rocked her, I looked at her precious little face and thought of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful and amazing daughter. I enjoyed those cozy late-night moments we shared. And as I held her close, I thought how silly I was to be depressed earlier when I am so blessed.
Today I am obviously majorly sleep deprived. Those moments of rest and relaxation are few and far between. I have spent my day wiping a constantly running nose, monitoring my daughter's temperature (which was around 101.5 this afternoon) and comforting an uncomfortable and whiny child. But I am no longer feeling down. Instead I am solely focused on helping my daughter get well. I am being a mom in the biggest sense of the word.
And I couldn't ask for anything more.